The Winter of Our Discontent

Amanda Plummer Pulp Fiction

No time to blog this week, and my morning shopping list reveals why:



paper towels


Medium-Thick Pantene Conditioner

biggest GD magnifying glass I can find

an extra nit pick

Yeah, we’ve been busy de-lousing over here at Shiny Brite — we’ve got lice. This is the first time we’ve ever had to deal with it and, yes, it is just as icky as you think it is. Useless to point a louse-y finger of blame at anyone, although we do think we know where to point: Now it’s here and we’ve just got to get through it.

We were totally freaked to the max when we made the discovery on Tuesday (poor M. was the first to go down), so we called and made an appointment with the professionals at Lice Enders. Several hundred dollars and hours of misery later, we’d been combed through, armed with products, and given a detailed list of what to do for the next two weeks (yes, two weeks).

Interestingly, I had noticed earlier in the week that Mommy Poppins posted on head lice removal services in New York, so we got a grim peek at what to expect before heading out to our treatment. How fortuitous!

You know, you do so many things with a partner and children that take you to new, never-before-imagined levels of intimacy through gross-ness, and yet nit-picking takes you to a whole other place. One tiny bit of good news: Even if you think you suck half the time at this parenting thing, it’s reassuring to find that your instincts really do kick in when your kids are scared or uncomfortable.

It’s war: the moms vs. the bugs.

And those shitty little nits are going down: I’m gonna execute every motherfucking last one of ya.

(Note to concerned grandparents & Helen — I am not on the verge of checking myself into Bellevue. Do not be alarmed by the tone of this post.)


7 Responses to “The Winter of Our Discontent”

  1. 1 mommypoo February 17, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Oh lord. I’m dreading the day my kids bring home lice. Good on you for your warring spirit!

  2. 2 Katie February 17, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Got my appointment on Sunday. Good thing the new boyfriend doesn’t have much hair.

  3. 3 Rebecca February 17, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    I figure that it is an eventuality we will all face at some point. Sorry your eventuality arrived. Glad you are venting! And are bananas part of the nit-picking regime? That’s a new one on me.

  4. 4 Amy February 17, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    I have a friend with 4 children who once told me that she would not wish lice on her worst enemy. That scared the crap outta me. Hugs to you all…let’s keep the hugs virtual and from afar, for now. You’d think with all the snow that the buggies would be hibernating or frozen til summertime. WTF???

  5. 5 Melisa February 18, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    Thanks for the support, y’all! It’s been a whole lotta NOT FUN.

    And no, Rebecca, we were just out of bananas!

  6. 6 Amy March 8, 2011 at 11:55 am

    See a friend’s comment about a “miracle comb.” I had to come back and add it to your comments section for anyone with a lice predicament.

    I found a miracle comb that cuts the time by 90%; if you ever have need, ask me about it.  Actually, every parent should own two just in case(one for home, one for travel):

    really.  it. really. works.

    • 7 Melisa March 8, 2011 at 12:05 pm

      Thanks, Amy! This looks a lot like the comb the pros used at Lice Enders — and for the exorbitant amount we paid, we got to take one home w/ us. But this is good for people to see — you need a serious, heavy-duty comb.

      Just looking at it sends a chill through my heart, though…. Yech.

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